Month: January 2009

So what better way to re-watch an old classic than to Liveblog it.

Here’s “The Terminator” :

00:00:05 What? This isn’t Star Wars?

00:01:03 Oh no, Johnny Five? Are you lost again?

00:03:57 There can be only one Highlander…

00:05:37 Couple cans short of a sixpack… Not Arnie! Plenty sixpack there.

00:06:25 What happened to “There can be only one????”

00:08:00 Really bad synthesizer muzak!!!

00:08:58 Crawling in my skiiiin!!

00:09:32 Product placement Nike. C’mon already…

00:10:15 That’s not MacGyver?!!

00:11:18 OMG!! Sarah Connor DOES NOT RIDE A SCOOTER!!!

00:12:00 Robot dress sense fail

00:13:00 Yeah, in a hundred years who’s gonna care?

00:14:40 Was that Richard Stallman?

00:15:40 Assassination fail

00:18:00 Johnny Five looks pissed off.

00:19:00 Skynet’s laser targeting and shooting algorithm sucks.

00:22:00 Token big-hair scene

00:25:00 Talking to a machine – there’s a pattern about to play out here.

00:28:54 Not the iPod. Definitely not.

00:30:55 Machines need love too? Maybe not this one…

00:34:25 He took four shots from the sawn-off – this Arnie guy is not human!!??

00:35:10 “Come with me if you wanna live…” until you die of time-travel cancer anyway.

00:35:45 Terminator HUD – POKE RAMCARD SLOT – Now is not the time for Facebook games Termie!

00:36:08 A fucking Terminator on the hood of the car. Fuuuuuck.

00:38:15 Terminator plays Jeff Dunham with his voice. Dot Com.

00:40:00 Reese’s guide to Terminatorers. From the futurerers.

00:46:12 Damn, Reese, you got made, fool.

00:50:43 Arnie takes a cue from Luke Skywalker’s cyborg hand.

00:53:03 Is my eyes red? Arnie actually looks plastic!

00:55:10 “He’ll reach down her throat and tear her fuckin’ heart out!” That’s not nice.

00:57:11 “I’ll be back”. You bet he’ll be back!

01:00:00 More bad synthesizer muzak.

01:02:23 Reese, Kyle Reese. Definitely not James Bond.

01:03:46 “I’d die for John Connor”.

01:08:12 Was that a Trellidoor in the future? They sure do make those things strong.

01:09:00 Future Sarah Connor porn photo sucks

01:11:25 “Fuck you asshole!” Sounds like Microsoft Text-to-Speech!

01:13:50 More Jeff Dunhamming of Sarah’s Mom this time.

01:14:38 A Terminator on a bike, wow these guys can do anything!

01:16:25 I sense a sex scene soon

01:16:45 Kyle Reese has never ever done the dirty???!?!!?! Say what??!?!!?

01:17:53 Kyle loves John’s mom. John’s mom has got it going on.

01:18:35 Technically, somehow, this sort of cross-time molestation has got to be illegal.

01:19:08 Linda Hamilton Boobs! KIAAAAA!

01:20:15 Hahaha Termie, they heard the dodgy danger-danger synthesizer music before you could get to them.

01:22:12 Reese gets shot – this is going to end in tears…

01:24:03 Terminator Elvis impression – truck driving!

01:25:38 Burn motherfucker, burn.

01:27:15 Oh shit! It’s not The Terminator, its the freakin Energizer bunny.

01:28:07 Gotta see someone about that limp, metalhead.

01:29:13 “On your feet, soldier!” Sarah’s hardcore kickass attitude is born.

01:30:51 Asimo can climb stairs!

01:31:42 Pipe bomb in the rectum and we’re having cyborg showers!

01:32:53 Pappa Bear is gone.

01:33:00 But not Skeletor’s chrome cousin. Persistent bastard.

01:34:55 “You’re terminated, fucker”. Off to the tin-can recycling plant for you.

01:36:00 What’s that boom microphone reflected in the ambulance window for?

01:37:03 “Gasoline por favor.”

01:38:21 Oh, so that’s where Reese’s photo of Sarah was taken! Cute!

01:39:00 It’s over. Doesn’t exactly scream for a sequel I guess.