Tag: Automobile

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Poor Quality German Vehicles Plague Cabinet Ministers

2006-2008 Mercedes-Benz ML350 photographed in USA.
Image via Wikipedia

Science and Technology minister Naledi Pandor is the latest victim of unreliable and aging German luxury automobiles, a condition known in car manufacturing circles as the “H1WAN12 (Have 1, Want A New 1 Too) Swine Fool Panic”. Recently she too was forced to order two Mercedes Benz ML350s to ferry her growing ass from meeting to meeting, following the apparent gearbox failure of the two previous cars designated for the Minister.

The cars were both running with the enormously high mileage of 141000km and 106 000km which explains their sudden calamitous failure. The new replacement cars include the latest in ministerial comforts aimed at improving leaders’ ability to make poor decisions in traffic – metallic paint, command navigation, media interface, DVD player, technical off-road package, heated front seats, Xenon active lights, sunroof, run flat tyres and private glass. A spokesperson for the manufacturer, Masipa Dense has expressed shock and horror that the minister did not take the heated rear-seat option. The new cars were purchased at a cost of 28 RDP houses.

2007 BMW X5 photographed in USA.
Image via Wikipedia

In a similar yet apparently unrelated incident, minister Nathi Mthethwa was also a victim of German engineering when the 2003 BMW X5 and 2006 Audi A8 he recently inherited turned out to be “mechanically unsound”. He replaced these with two “BMW ministerial-edition” X5s totalling the humble sum of R1.4 million, or 26 RDP houses. Audi has declined to comment, but industry insider Jeremy Clarkson has indicated that Audis are driven by cocks these days, a fact that goes a long way towards explaining Charles Nqakula – the minister who the vehicles were in fact inherited from.

Not to be outdone, Minister of basic education, Angie Motshekga dipped into the public treasury for a more sensible approach when considering the nature of the unreliable and trouble-plagued German vehicles. She chose instead to only take one R900 000 BMW 730D and rather replace her previous vehicle with a more reasonable and cheaper option manufactured by Indian mega-company Tata: Her Range Rover Sport TDV8 cost a rather sane R800 000. Reasons given for the choice state that the 4×4 ability of the vehicle will allow her to visit extreme rural areas to ensure the children in those remote regions are given their half-bowl of miele-pap every morning before walking barefoot to attend lessons with no equipment in the open veld beneath the trees.

Collins Spindokotela, minister for the evaluation of corruption, has defended the purchases as within the rules dictated in the ministerial handbook, and indicated he would rather see the frivolous spending being made on good Italian cars which are “…just as unreliable, but much prettier on the eye.”

Categories
Biking Rants

7 Points In Defense Of The Biker

Motorbikes on the Dragon
Image by TeecNosPos via Flickr

Saul K, from the Outlet, has an issue with bikers. Time to bring out the sparring gloves.

Actually, no. We all have to share the roads, and a large portion of bikers wish to do it in the safest manner possible. If you think our roads are currently bad for cars, bear in mind they are ten times worse for bikers. Lanes are narrower, road surfaces are carved into horribly uneven grooves-of-death, or stairs between lanes making lane changing on a bike impossible, and construction debris and dust covers the roads, making stone-catching sore, and making braking unsafe.

So to paraphrase from Saul’s entry, I’d say this is a brief summary of the contention points:

– Bikers are a hypocritical nuisance.

– Lane splitting is evil.

– Bikers never stick to the left hand side of the road like bicycle drivers do.

– Bikers tend to sit in car driver’s blind spots.

– Bikers change lanes too often.

– Bike owners feel the need to speed consistently.

– “when you learn how to drive we’ll stop running you over”.

I feel compelled to react to each of those points individually, and get some biker opinion out there.

1. Bikers are a hypocritical nuisance:

Of course we are, we’re arrogant too, we’ve every right to stamp our authority on the roads and what’s more, we’re cool. 😛

2. Lane splitting is evil:

The Happy Couple
Image by Shaun Dewberry via Flickr

Lane splitting is perfectly legal in South Africa, and let’s face it, you’d be a moron if you sat in the traffic, choking down exhaust fumes, when there’s a perfectly good gap between cars that one can use.

3. Bikers never stick to the left hand side of the road like bicycle drivers do:

Sticking to the left hand side would be silly unless you want to collect the tail-end of a truck, hurdle a random pedestrian or smooch a vehicle exiting from a blind entrance. (Or refurbish the face of one of those, ahem, bicycle drivers[sic]) We’re using engines, not legs, here. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re suggesting the building of dedicated biker lanes, well, hell yeah, absolutely!

4. Bikers tend to sit in car driver’s blind spots:

Unfortunately, yes, this is a symptom of poor mirror design and lane-splitting.  However, all drivers that did their driver’s license test were taught to check their blindspots frequently – do you think they do it? Well, yes, many do and I have absolute respect and always try to thank the driver who sees me and cancels his/her indicator to let me through, or shifts slightly to one side, but so often the driver feels there’s no time to check the mirror before they make a desperate lunge to sit behind traffic from a different point of view in the next lane.

5. Bikers change lanes too often:

See below discussion on speed. If you’re going faster than the traffic around you you’re going to need to change lanes.

6. Bike owners feel the need to speed consistently:

On the speed issue, yes, some bikers do ride at excessive speeds fairly often – most often Sunday mornings on empty roads long before cage-drivers wake up. But to be fair, biker’s speeding is often a symptom of vehicle driver’s speeding. If you ride to live it’s highly recommended you ride at least 20km/h faster than the traffic around you. Any slower and cars will start overtaking you – and not surprisingly being overtaken by a low-flying Ford is one of the scariest experiences on a bike. Yes, surprise! We can’t hear your eco-friendly green hybrid save-the-planet-but-pollute-it-with-lead batterymobile buzzing up behind us – we’ve got, yes, fresh air blasting past our ears (and maybe a nice loud pipe under the seat, too!). And what’s more, we can outbrake you by a country mile. At traffic lights we often live in fear of being rear ended by a ton of metal that just cannot brake fast enough. 160-170km/h is not excessive if the cars are traveling at 130-140km/h, it’s realistic.

7. “when you learn how to drive we’ll stop running you over”.

I doubt it. There will always be bad bikers and there will always, always be terrible drivers. I choose not to see car drivers as the enemy, as I too am a car driver, but I am exceptionally cautious around cars when biking. And by the same measure I’m exceptionally cautious around bikes when driving. We’ve only got so much tarmac to share and there are a lot of idiots out there. I’d like to get to where I’m going (even if it is a bar) in once piece, as I’m sure you would too.

C’mon, Saul, buy a bike!

Bikers, evil? What do you think?

Categories
finance

How To Buy A New Car and Not Get Screwed

There’s some excellent advice in this 6 minute presentation by Rob Gruhl. Basically its a summary of the best approach to take when on the hunt for a vehicle. I especially like the part about getting your own finance – not relying on the dealer – it just makes sense and should save a bunch of headaches and admin fees.

Rob Gruhl – How to Buy a New Car – Ignite Seattle 2007

Here’s a short summary if you don’t want to watch the whole 5 minutes:

  • Take your time and use two full weekends – they’re under more pressure to make the sale than you are to buy.
  • Get financing from your own choice of bank – A dealer may be colluding with their own banking partners.
  • Don’t sell your old car to the same dealer – You’ll always get screwed on a trade-in.
  • Pick at least three different cars as options – It gives you the flexibility to toy around and compare.
  • Test drive! Test drive! Test drive! Then go home. Don’t buy.
  • Always try to play dealers off against each other on the final price.
  • Get the “drive it off the lot” price – That’s the final number with all the fees added in.
  • Confirm availability – Make sure the car is in stock, i.e. get the VIN number
  • Don’t sign until everything is absolutely clear and the vehicle is ready.
  • The visit to the office – Do NOT but any of the add-on insurances, top-ups or extras they try to milk you for. They’re all overinflated in price.
  • In general, just be a pain in the ass. Don’t let them walk over you.

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