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Poor Quality German Vehicles Plague Cabinet Ministers

2006-2008 Mercedes-Benz ML350 photographed in USA.
Image via Wikipedia

Science and Technology minister Naledi Pandor is the latest victim of unreliable and aging German luxury automobiles, a condition known in car manufacturing circles as the “H1WAN12 (Have 1, Want A New 1 Too) Swine Fool Panic”. Recently she too was forced to order two Mercedes Benz ML350s to ferry her growing ass from meeting to meeting, following the apparent gearbox failure of the two previous cars designated for the Minister.

The cars were both running with the enormously high mileage of 141000km and 106 000km which explains their sudden calamitous failure. The new replacement cars include the latest in ministerial comforts aimed at improving leaders’ ability to make poor decisions in traffic – metallic paint, command navigation, media interface, DVD player, technical off-road package, heated front seats, Xenon active lights, sunroof, run flat tyres and private glass. A spokesperson for the manufacturer, Masipa Dense has expressed shock and horror that the minister did not take the heated rear-seat option. The new cars were purchased at a cost of 28 RDP houses.

2007 BMW X5 photographed in USA.
Image via Wikipedia

In a similar yet apparently unrelated incident, minister Nathi Mthethwa was also a victim of German engineering when the 2003 BMW X5 and 2006 Audi A8 he recently inherited turned out to be “mechanically unsound”. He replaced these with two “BMW ministerial-edition” X5s totalling the humble sum of R1.4 million, or 26 RDP houses. Audi has declined to comment, but industry insider Jeremy Clarkson has indicated that Audis are driven by cocks these days, a fact that goes a long way towards explaining Charles Nqakula – the minister who the vehicles were in fact inherited from.

Not to be outdone, Minister of basic education, Angie Motshekga dipped into the public treasury for a more sensible approach when considering the nature of the unreliable and trouble-plagued German vehicles. She chose instead to only take one R900 000 BMW 730D and rather replace her previous vehicle with a more reasonable and cheaper option manufactured by Indian mega-company Tata: Her Range Rover Sport TDV8 cost a rather sane R800 000. Reasons given for the choice state that the 4×4 ability of the vehicle will allow her to visit extreme rural areas to ensure the children in those remote regions are given their half-bowl of miele-pap every morning before walking barefoot to attend lessons with no equipment in the open veld beneath the trees.

Collins Spindokotela, minister for the evaluation of corruption, has defended the purchases as within the rules dictated in the ministerial handbook, and indicated he would rather see the frivolous spending being made on good Italian cars which are “…just as unreliable, but much prettier on the eye.”

Categories
Entertainment politics

2009 Elections Results [100% for Zuma, 20% for Maths]

From the screen-shot below, I think we can safely assume who news24.com is rooting for in the SA elections of 2009.
Clearly they share the exact same high-school maths ability as certain members of the ANC.

Update: Click here for more ridiculous news24 election results screenshots.

Categories
Humor

Mbeki on Mugabe (via Hayibo.com)

Awesome parody satire site Hayibo.com relates Mbeki’s comments on Mugabe:

“That’s why I sold every last shred of moral high ground the ANC had after 1994 to keep him out of the International Criminal Court in The Hague,” said Mbeki.

“Now I realise I was just like Amy Winehouse and he was like Blake. They wanted to make him go to rehab in The Hague, but I said no, no, no.

“But now I’m not sure.”

Full story here: Mugabe says there is no cholera in Zim and Heid Klum is his girlfriend.

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